First Steps

First steps on a new journey are always difficult for me. It’s not so much a matter of physically–or mentally–taking the first step; It’s about getting to the first step. I usually pack my bags ten minutes before loading into the car. Whether I start two hours or ten minutes ahead of time, I will be packing until the minute of my departure.

That’s why the first steps on a new journey are always difficult–I am a prepare-aholic. But don’t worry. I’ve been sober for years.

Gearing up for this new chapter of the website has been intimidating and exciting. Somewhere along the way I got it into my head that I wanted to become a writer. While I have wanted to be more intentional about my writing, I’m also setting myself up for more critique. Before, if I wrote a post, “I got sick on something toady”, people would just wonder what made me sick, not decide I should never type again since I can’t spell “today”.

And then, even if I am suddlenly able to write like Annie Dillard or Thomas Merton, I wonder if I will have enough to say. My heart and mind have been busting at the seams, begging me to set loose all these captive thoughts. But when I sit down to write, I don’t know what I want to say. Well, I know what I want to say, but I don’t know how to say it. Ok, I know how to say it, but I don’t know where to start–how to take that first step.

This is the journey. There is no more time to pack or plan or preapare. It’s time to take the first step.

“… with writing, you start where you are, and you usually do it poorly. You just do it–you do it afraid and something happens.”
– Anne Lamott