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What is coming to us

Today, for the dozenth-ish day in a row I have told my Momentum™ new-browser-tab-screensaver-thingy that my primary task for the day is my own mental health. It feels a bit selfish and short-sighted. How dare I make my own mental health a priority when there are so many other important things I could be psychologically hijacked about?

Here’s a puzzle for you: do you think it is easier to control a herd of frightened cattle on the run, or calm cattle minding their own business spaced out across green pastures? Yes, you are a cow in this scenario.

You are nothing like me. I am nothing like you. Those are lies. We are so much more alike than we are different. But many in the world are trying to tear us apart. They want us to be a them. Isn’t that ironic? They want us to be more like them by making us believe that we are not alike? Wait, who is they again? Aren’t they just us too? Shit. Ok, so never mind. We can’t even band up together and hate them either because actually we just all need to be us.

So, what will we do instead? Be silent. Hear. Listen. Love.

A train is rolling through town. It’s 5:15 am. For safety reasons, it needs to blast its horn a couple of times whenever it gets near a crossing. And, since it is rolling through town, there is a crossing every couple of blocks. This means it is screaming through the down as slow as possible at 5:15 in the morning, and I just want Peter to sleep. As long as possible. But, we don’t always get what we want.

Do we always get what we deserve?

No, almost never. So many people are getting bad things they do not deserve. So many other people are getting good things they do not deserve. So, we rarely get what we deserve. And, we don’t always get what we want. What do we get then … what is coming to us? This phrase is a bit more ominous, but it is also quite a bit more true. We do get what is coming to us.

Do you believe in attraction?

I mean like “the secret” level kind of shit. Like, if I create a really good mood board, and say affirmations every morning, will I start bending the universe like a miniature museum-quality quarter funnel, where I am the hole in the middle and all my desires are the sticky quarters being flung out of the fat-fingered child gods of the skies? Is that a thing that happens? Or does all of this just happen to us, out of our control, out of anyone’s control, because our evolved yet fragile human brain map neuron knots simply have no other choice but to create meaning and stories and patterns out of absolutely nothing out of pure survival instinct? Who knows.

But enough about the universe and dreams and terrorism. AKA “Enough about me. Let’s talk about how you feel about me.”

Oops, I lied. More about dreams. For the dozenth-ish night in a row (wait, is there a pattern here?) I have been having exceptionally more of the types of dreams that map more closely to the real world. They still jump all over the place, and things happen that aren’t realistic enough to approach deja-vu levels. But almost all of the people are actual real humans in my life, almost all of the settings are actual real places I have been, and almost all of the problems that come up are super plausible situations or issues that I might need to fight my way out of.

Maybe this is happening because the realities of 2020 are much more weird dreamland like than in the past? Maybe I am listening to myself a little more these days and my dreams are deciding they can trust themselves with me? “This guy seems friendly, I think we can come out of the subconscious, out from behind the metaphorical cloak, show him who we really are and he’ll hold space for us instead of judging us.” Or maybe I’ve given up on dreaming for now, and so all that is left in my head while I sleep are a pile of realities to toss around?

I can tell you this much – I would rather give up sleep and be able to use those extra 6 hours for something intentional and meaningful and purposeful in my life. But, best I can tell, I don’t get that option. Please tell me if you learn how.

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